Hang in there you will have set backs

One thing I learn is we have set backs- we go forward then backwards with behavior- but hang in there set backs usually are brief (although we are going through a long oe right now) Keep looking at how far you have come- sometimes we need to be reminded of this-

Remember you are not alone in the setbacks-all of our kids go through them- how do you handle them? I recommend talking with someone - this helps me so much- it helps me get through the set back times and helps me realize these are just bumps in the road-

You will get through so HANG ON

Anger- how to deal with it

My son deals often with this and it often comes out in violent form- oh yes I have been hit - even bruised- scratched- chairs thrown at me- and yet I still press on and keep going with working with him-so lets look by definition what anger is:

–noun
1.
a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.

you see with my son- he was not taught how to deal with his anger in a proper manner when he was younger before I adopted him- so it is taken many many hours how to work through ager control- we have so far and still have far to go - let me go over some things that may work for you

- sometimes they do not know what causes the anger- this is something I had to learn and still am learning

-learn ways to deal with it- have the kids count to 10 and you do it as well- trust me when you count with them it will help with how you handle things in the future regardless of how they are handling things

- take deep cleansing breaths- it work it truly does- this helps them as well as you

- rip paper

- scribble paper

- write sentences- this refocuses them

- have them sit by themselves until they cool off

-hold them -hug them- let them know it is ok to be angry but how they handle it is important

- have them write why they are angry

these are some ways that have gotten us through some dark times- not all the time working- so you may have to do a variety of things to get through a tough time of dealing with anger-

Have them go to an anger management class for kids- AngermanagmentHelps try this link it may be of use to you

Find Something...

that your child loves to do- we finally found my son's just a year ago after him being in the family for 3 and half years and being baker acted- twice-

We found sports and not just any but track ad field-he loves to run so we put that energy into the sport and he does so much better when he is involved- I encourage you to find a sport- a group -anything your child may be interested in-computers- puzzles- bike riding- etc figure out what they like and go from there-

Once you find their niche encourage them to participate and also it is a privilege. Good behavior allows them to be a part of the privilege-bad choices a brief time away from privilege- last year my son was not acting the way he should and he was allowed to go to the track meet yet had to sit and watch- he was not happy but that was the last meet he missed from running-

make sure you let the coaches or instructors know about your child and what you deal with and how they can help- this was one of the greatest things I do and I let the coach know daily or weakly how my so is doing- he pulls him aside each time good or bad of what I tell him and talks with him- the extra person is great and reinforces what you are trying to teach your child

Encourage your child to find something they like- we did and we have an extra support group our track family- share your story people do care

Be Firm

when you are disciplining be firm and strong in what you say- you do not need to raise your voice but it is all in tone- and how firmly you speak- do not back down you do not give in-

Be Firm- Be Strong - Be Consistent

Consistency and Follow Through

With any child this is a very important - when you are consistent and you follow through on what you say- I am not an expert and do not claim to be I just know what works for my child who has behavioral and emotional needs-

When I am not consistent or do not follow through he thinks he can get away with things- so I have to be on my game no matter how tired I get- is it hard oh yes it is- but it works -
I have had professionals tell me - pastors - and other parents keep doing what you are doing it is working- I can't give up and neither can you

If you are consistent and follow through your kids will begin to change- is it over night NO WAY-we are 4 and half years after adoption and still working on this - both of us- and yet it is working I see the change

You see I am consistent and listen and do what others see work- consistency here is the main key- my thing to my son is who is going to win and he can now answer you mommy- so he gets his act together a whole lot sooner then before-

Set the rules and do them - set the consequences and do them- you may have to tweak as they get older as I do but this works- Your role is key - you set the rules and you need to do what you say is going to happen- does it get tiring as I said before oh my yes- but keep doing it- keep pressing on you can do it - I know you can

I will be posting more this week

This week I am going to be posting more on behaviors and emotionals with kids- I may even do a series- just thngs i have learned so stay tuned- you are not alone