setting limits - being consistent-having consequences

if you set up limits for your child or rules we as parents need to follow through with them and be consistent-
we need to give our kids rules they need to know they are held accountable and consequences will occur if they do not follow the rules
I found when we were going through behavioral issues we needed to change up the consequence and even adjust the rules to make sure the consistency was there-
I think it is so important you have those discussions with your children about the rules and consequences and you follow through

for younger kids make picture boards - if you throw a toy then you have to put the toy away and lose it
older kids if you lie you lose electronics

this way they know if you do this then this will happen- this worked so well for me- had to change up the then part as we got older and things of importance changed but he knew I was not playing.

limits- consistency- consequences

Lying

raise your hand if you have dealt with lying or dealing with it now- me me me- I am jumping up and down for this one. I know its an age thing but whew- can not wait til this phase passes. so what do you do when a child lies?
Well encourage the truth to be told- for my son he tells lies because he does not want to get in trouble- well that is not working well for him.
This past weekend he learned that lying has consequences. He had an opportunity to lie tonight but proudly can say he took a moment and spoke the truth. I praised him for that. Catch them doing the right thing.
Relay to them how important honesty is and how important trust is- I know he will get it its just a matter of time

Mental Health Awareness

I think it is important to realize that some of our children suffer from mental health issues- I know for my son he suffered from multiple issues-

PTSD- yes he did and it occasionally pops up from time to time- you see he was abused in his foster home way back when and it traumatized him- we rarely have those flashbacks anymore but from time to time things come up, however he has learned to cope and learned to deal with them in a healthy way- we talk we discuss and we continue on- no outbursts no tantrums.

ADHD- yes hyperactivity is part of ADHD but his issue was more impulsive than anything. he still becomes hyper when he gets tired and sometimes forgets how to cope during those times- he controls his impulsivity.

RAD- Reactive Attachment Disorder- he had signs of this in multiple fashions- this we still have some slight issues with still- he does not want to go anywhere without me. He only feels safe with certain people and when it comes to being in crowds of a lot of people he has some anxiety. I have learned how to see the signs and we work them and cope. Most the time successfully but occasional we have a oops time

Mood Disorder- yes multiple issues with my son and I dealt with him- he would be happy and working it all out one minute and the next minute you thought terror reigned in our house. I would never know when my son would be nice son or violent aggressive son.

I got him help, we were in therapy for months and years weekly - then there was a day that it all came unraveled - I was scared of my son- he was 9. This was not a good place to be- he spent pretty much 3 months in and out of the Crisis Unit until I was able to get him to a 24 hour 7days a week Residential Facility- broke my heart to do this but was the best thing I could have ever done for him, for us.

He is a different child -honor roll- athlete- loves God- tender heart- amazing young man- We got help - and he is on medication and they say he should be off of the medication by the time he is 18. If not that is ok-
We know how to deal with things- we talk we breathe we cope. We continue to learn we continue to get help when we need it. We are a better family because we seeked the help that was necessary. Never be ashamed of getting the help you need.

Do you find yourself so wrapped up?

 (photo from jokeroo)

Do you find yourself wrapped up in appointments- making sure you have all the necessary tools to help meet your child's need? Do you often focus on how to figure out what is best for your child? What discipline or training works best- from point charts to positive rewards. Do you find yourself changing what works for your child on weekly basis?
Well you are not alone

I have been down that path where I made a chart with stickers to apply when he did something right and if he earned so many stickers they there would be a positive reinforcement - it worked for a brief time. Oh earning money to go shopping for something for positive behaviors - yes its working oh no now what to do. Set up a schedule and keep to it even if it means not doing something you enjoy- if he/she misbehaves and the consequence was not going then so be it- oh yes it worked for a time being.

Every week we would have to change what would work- tiring and daunting- but consistent in the fact I was not going to tolerate certain behaviors. Everyone who worked with my son needed to be on the same page-

Make sure everyone who works with your child is on the same page - whether what works at school you do at home and vise versa- we ended up doing what worked at school at home and over time we did not need the incentives he just did what he needed to do.

Stay consistent across the board- get help when you need a break- seek out a counselor for yourself- you are making a difference in your child's life - keep on doing it - they are going to be amazing kids

going to try a different mode of support group

ok well not being very successful with meeting at a place so - we will be trying something different and it may take a little bit of time- but let me know what you all think of an online meeting- we can meet in the comfort of your home and this you could meet if you lived in Ocala Florida or Sacramento California- we just want you to know you are not alone and that there is no judging just a friendly ear to offer suggestions of what worked for us and I am sure there are others out there who have great ideas-

Stay Tuned for more info as we gather how to do an online meeting

Support Group

On September 9, 2013 we will be having a support group for a parents who have behaviorally challenged children. The location will be Lutz Library in Lutz Florida. It begins at 6 and will end at 7:30 pm

Here is an opportunity to talk things out to help one another- to know you are not alone in your journey with your child. Come see what this support group is all about- We are here to help to make a difference and give you and your family hope.

Preparing for School

Just some ideas I have learned over the years to prepare for school

1. Make sure you keep to a schedule - be consistent
2. Follow through- if you give consequences for a behavior not acceptable that give the consequence- even if it is inconvenient for you
3. Work with your child and their teacher, guidance counselors, behavior specialists- believe it or not they are there to help your child be successful
4. BE INVOLVED with your child's education and the education plan
5. Take time to have fun -
6. Enroll your child in a sport- getting that extra energy out will help - with anger issues, ADHD, and whatever other initials your child may have
7. DON'T allow the diagnosis to label your child- be confident and know you are doing a great job!

Summer ideas

not sure if there is anything out there for your special needs child here are some resources for you to look up -

The Learning Camp- http://www.learningcamp.com/en/
Wisconsin Camps- https://www.wisconline.com/attractions/camps/challenge.html
Summer camps- www.mysummercamps.com
Florida Camps- http://www.campresource.com/summer-camps/special-needs/florida

Don't allow your kids to miss out- I am not familiar with the camps mentioned - investigate them see if they will meet the needs of your children- check them out thoroughly

get them involved in a sports camp, check out your local university, I9 sports, Upwards Sports, your local high school and middle school also may offer something for your child to attend

enjoy the summer

From Additude Magazine- parenting a child with defiant behavior

Additude magazine that is a resource I use- please check out this article

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/879.html

Aggression and Violent Tendency - open and honest

Ok- so do you have a child who is aggressive and violent- well for some reason I feel led to write about this today.

So here it goes- I had a child who was violent and aggressive and at times never knew what would cause him to go into the rages- yes rages- many times I would have bruises, I would have objects fly at my head- when you would tell him something he took it wrong and would push, shove hit the car windows, kick things- and the list goes on. Threats to me of I wish you were dead - just because I said no. Its all so real and for me I was scared to be at home with him- I actually spent the weekend at friends house- that was the beginning in 2008 of multiple trips to the crisis center over the next 2 years.

He was violent he was aggressive and now he is loving and caring- why- we got help -
I did not give up until we did- it was a tiring and overwhelming time- but I persevered and kept going through all of the aggression. It was not just at home- church- school - others homes. We spent many times on the floor in a restraint position- me sweating him wanting to be loose- how could I when things would fly at me?

If your child is aggressive and violent- don't be ashamed to get help- it took me a while to reach out and when I did it was life changing- the day I had to call 911 and the sheriff department had to take him in handcuffs to the crisis center forever changed our family- violence is not needed - don't be ashamed to call 911 if your son/daughter is threatening you or causing you harm. Get them the help they need as well as get help for yourself. It will change your life I can promise you that.

Be involved

I think I may have touched on this subject before but thought I would bring it up again-
Many of your children may have an IEP or 504 for your child for their school. Make sure you stay on top of it and the school is following what they are suppose to for your child- if your child has on its IEP- needs breaks for test and longer time- then make sure your children get it- I am asking my son all the time if they follow the IEP ( he is older and knows what is on it) sometimes he says yes sometimes he says no- when he says no this mom contacts the school- say involved and be your childs advocate - with the IEP or 504 the school must folloow it-

Be involved - its ok to contact the school and say hey please make sure my son/daughter's teachers are following his/her plan

Here you go Tampa Bay

  Parents You are Not Alone

            Support Group

Are you a parent of a child with behavioral challenges- there is now a support group in the Tampa Bay area to help and support you- this is a place to provide support and to give you hope.

When:           June 3^rd, 2013

Where:          Lutz Library

101 Lutz-Lake Fern Rd., W.
Lutz, FL 33548-7220

Time:              6-7:30 PM

Contact:        Michele Danielson

                        mldanielson@verizon.net (subject line support  group)

                        www.parentsyouarenotalone.com

COMING SO SOON!

Well- I am proud to announce we will now have a support group in the Tampa Bay area for parents that have behavioral challenged children- I will get back to you when- hopefully beginning the first 2 weeks of June we will hold our first meetings-

Almost Ready

I am almost ready - most of the updates are complete for the blog- still waiting on a few things- hang in there parents - we are coming back better then before just for you and your family

its been too long

its been way too long since I posted anything here and have left you all hanging- i am planning a relaunch of the site with a new look and new information- i do want you to know that you are not alone and that you have the support of this mom who knows what it is like to have a child with major behavior problems- however there is hope-

I truly believe there is hope!

Behavior and Mental Health

You know there is a possibility your child can make a difference in the world we have today- a positive difference-

you see we always see in the news the negative aspect of children with mental health issues- do we ever see the positive influence for those children who do get the help - I do not think so-

do you have a child that has gotten the help that you help seek out- would love to hear from you and know how your life has changed since seeking help-

I have a story to tell and so does my son- we want to be able to tell you seeking help and seeking mental health help will be life changing-you know you are not alone- and you and your child can make and see a difference. it may take time but the help you seek will change you and your child. once that happens you will be able to help others as well and let them know they can make it through as well.