+ behavior Expectations

Expectations- lets child know what behavior is expected and what the consequence are for meeting or not meeting the expectation

Set Expectation
*pick a time- plan the time- when you are calm-away from behavior-convenient - and adequate length of time

*plan the place- quiet-where you will not be interruppted-neutral

*set a positive tone- more then being cheerful-positive statements-

*be specific- I expect you to .... or I want you to...

*acknowledge the negative response from child briefly- be empathetic- for example- It seems like you are frustrated by this

*do only one time

*explain briefly why it is good to do this behavior

*this motivates child to listen

Consequence
Should be positive- giving not taking away- not a threat
reasonable- controllable-non-punishing to you
appropriate to situation

if expectation is not met the child does not earn the positive consequence
past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior

ask child to restate the behaviors and consequences- have child tell you the plan

praise the fact they were able to restate- even if it was with additude or grudgingly

avoid leacturing-arguing or being sarcastic

use emapthy and understanding but be cool and stay on course
if child protests more then 3 times end the discussion
try again later when all are calm

see if things are improving- give it 2 weeks- it may need to be revisited

+ behavior redirect reinforce

When can behavior not be ignored?
when it is harmful to the child, others,property, animals or illegal behavior
when a child does not know a better way of getting attention
when pivoting does not teach the appropriate alternative behavior

You identify behavior that is inappropriate you redirect the behavior to a different positive behavior and then Reinforce the desired behavior when it occurs

Intervene
* stay cool- calm -and collected
* before say anything get close to child
* look at child
* touch child appropriately
* you may need to stay STOP and then specify behavior

Redirect
* make sure the behavior is stopped
* redirect to a + behavior
* say I want you to....
* if child has not started with in 3 sec, use minimal , additional prompts, if necessary

Use Reinforcement
* reinforce the desired behavior-for example - that is the right way to bounce the ball
* use this for social interaction- provide positive consequence within 3 seconds
* say nothing and do nothing about the junk behavior through the process
* stay cool

Pivot- Positive Parenting

Why does junk behavior happen
get attention they need, but do not get as often any other way
get you to comfort them
get you to respond or react
make you angry
make you give into them
make you go away
just a habit
its what they do

Pivot
withholding our attention during the occurrence by turning to someone or something else

When do you pivot?
do another activity when you pivot away from the junk behavior
when there are 2 children and one is doing junk behavior - pivot to another child with more desirable behaviors

Steps to using pivot
1. say nothing about the junk behavior
2. do nothing to react to junk behavior
3. actively attend to another child -person- or activity
4. once behaves appropriately , provide reinforcement for appropriate behavior (use praise, etc) within 10 seconds of recognizing the appropriate behavior
5. stay cool

Positive Parenting Tools - Consequences

Consequence- what happens right after the behavior

Types of:
natural consequence- pain from kicking the door
man made- move
immediate - push door bell -hear sound
delayed-bruise on foot after kicking door

Effects-
Increase future behaviors-happen more often and faster
decrease future behaviors-make happen less often - slower
have no effect

Consequence can be either positive or negative-

Identify the behaviors you want to strengthen and deliver the appropriate consequences. Identify the behaviors you want to weaken and deliver, or withhold, the appropriate consequence
Use reinforcement

Examples of Appropriate Behavior
child giving another child time to play with a toy
picking up dirty clothes
making bed
keeping hands to self
using manners-
brushing teeth
doing homework
fastening seatbelt
asking permission to do something
asking for help

Type of Reinforcing Consequences
social interaction
verbal praise
appropriate touch
tangible items
appropriate privileges
breaks from tasks or work

Positive Consequences
smiles
hugs
winks
high fives
wow!
awesome
well done
nice job
excellent
stay up late
extra video time
pick a movie
special snack
trip to library, zoo, etc
bike ride

Steps to Using Reinforcement
1. Tell the child what behavior you liked
2. provide consequence for the behavior that matches the value of the behavior
3. provide the consequences within 3 seconds of recognizing the behavior, if possible
4. use sincere and appropriate facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language
5. avoid reacting to junk behavior
6. avoid coercive and punishments

Remember all children in the course of the day, will do or say something that is worth giving a positive consequence

Series (2) Positive Parenting Tools- Staying Close

I mentioned Stay Close yesterday - so lets go into a little more detail on what this means
-this is the foundation for proactive caregiving

You create a safe, positive environment and establish yourself as a source of caring, empathy, and reinforcement

Stay Close Means:
showing you care
being attentive
listening
"just" talking
matching emotions
being near
touching

Stay Close does not mean:
lecturing
setting the record straight
moralizing
being judgemental
problem solving

Benefits:
you will learn about your child-what they value-likes dislikes
you will have a greater interest in their activities
you will build a foundation for a good relationship
children will care about what you say-your approval and disapproval will be important because you are important to them
children will learn good communication skills
children will listen to your expectations and advice because you are listening to them

When to stay close
routine times during the day- meal times- driving
brief moments between other things
special times you are spending just with them
when you are upset with them or someone else after you calm down
when they are upset with you or someone else
during traumatic event
almost every chance you get to interact with child

The closer you are to children the greater influence you have on them

How to stay close-
get physically close
touch appropriately
match facial expressions
use appropriate tone of voice
use relaxed body language
ask open ended , positive questions
listen while the child speaks
use empathy statements
avoid reacting to junk behavior
stay cool through the whole process

Unless what you are about to say or do has a high probability of making things better, don't say it and don't do it- Latham

Session 1-Tools for Positive Behavior Changes- Series

This information came from a training manual that I was taught- from the Power of Positive Parenting Glen Latham
Behavior can be defined as anything a person does that can be observed and measured.

"Junk" Behavior- (this is where I struggle at times- but working on working with my son)- any age-typical behavior that may be annoying, but not harmful to self, others, property, or animals. Examples- whining- stomping feet, mumbling, rolling eyes

Why does junk behavior happen?- to get us parents to respond or react, make you angry or get even, to give in, to get you to comfort them, make you go away, to get you to do it for them, because it is just what they do at their age.

Positive Attention-is the most powerful consequence available to you.

Proactive Approach-
Show child which behavior they like by reinforcing it- recognize inappropriate behavior as a need to teach appropriate behavior (do it this way)-establish them self as a safe person to be around-maintain self control-have a plan- practice tools for positive change

Reactive Approach-
look what child is doing wrong and try to weaken the behavior-recognize negative behavior as need to teach a child a lesson-establish themselves as unsafe persons to be around- allowing caregiving to control their moods-do not have a plan- do not practice tools for positive behavior

Stop Coercion- 12 kinds
questioning-arguing-sarcasm-force-threats-criticism-despair-logic-telling them on others-taking away privileges-one up-silent treatment

Results of Coercion-
try to avoid coercive behavior-try to get even-try to escape-learn coercive behavior-become afraid they will fail-receive attention for in appropriate behavior

Coercion produces only short term compliance followed by long term problems

Proactive Care giving-
must be tailored for each child
what works for one child does not always work for another
what works for one child today may not work with that same child tomorrow

is a journey not a destination

5 tips about behavior:
Your job;
create the most positive environment possible
change the environment and you will change the behavior
identify the behavior you want to strengthen and deliver the appropriate consequences
identify the behavior you want to weaken and withhold the appropriate consequences
provide positive consequences
be patient and consistent. wait 2 weeks and see record behavior- if it works keep it up if not go back to tools and see what to do differently
remember past experience-best predictor of future behavior

Tools-
Stay Close
Use Reinforcement
Pivot
Redirect- Use Reinforcement
Set Expectations
Use a Contract
Use Time Out
Asses Behavior

New Series-

I will be bringing a series beginning tomorrow- it is a good one- hope you will peruse over it - ingest it and digest it-